In this powerful and deeply personal episode, Sarah sits down with She Is Mental founder and author Nikki Everett to unpack the raw realities of living with complex PTSD. From surviving workplace trauma to embracing healing through journaling, Nikki shares how her experience became a mission—and how her golden cracks became her strength. If you’ve ever felt broken, this conversation is for you.
“I came home that night and couldn’t string a sentence together. Trauma had taken everything I thought I was.” – Nikki Everett
“We are not the story of what happened to us. We are the story of how we rose after it.” – Nikki Everett
“You can be broken and still beautiful. In fact, that’s where your gold is.” – Sarah Jordan-Ross
Nikki Everett
If this episode moved you, share it with a friend who needs to hear that healing is possible and they're not alone.
Don’t forget to subscribe, rate, and leave a review. Your story matters—just like Nikki’s, just like Sarah’s, and just like yours.
Sarah Jordan-Ross (00:00) Hey everybody, welcome back to Taboo Talk with Sarah, the podcast that breaks the silence, fosters hope and tackles the tough conversations so you never feel alone. I'm your host, Sarah Jordan Ross. I'm a wellness coach, mum of three, and I've spent the last two decades helping people find hope and healing. If this is your first time tuning in, then welcome to the table. And if you're back for more, I see you and I am so glad that you are here.
Today's episode is raw and real and incredibly powerful. I'm sitting down with someone whose story touched me in the best possible way. Nikki Everett is a criminal justice veteran, author of Uncomfortably Comfortable, which I to admit I like that name, and the founder of She Is Mental. And I'm going to have to get her to unpack that for us later on through this interview.
Nikki's turned her own experience of complex PTSD into a mission of advocacy, education and truth telling. She doesn't just talk about mental health, she lives it, breathes it and leads others to it. Nikki, welcome to Taboo Talk. I've been following you for a little while and I am so glad you are here.
Nikki Everett (01:19)
thank you, Sarah.
Sarah Jordan-Ross (01:21)
So for those of you who aren't familiar with your story, can you share a little bit about what led to your diagnosis of PTSD and what that journey was like for you?
Nikki Everett (01:33)
Yeah, sure. So I had a normal average life. I've worked in, over my career, I've worked in palliative care, mental health and the prison system. So at some point ⁓ I started experiencing, ⁓ well, I went through five separate incidents of violence while working in the prison system. And...
Yeah, it was a lot, but instead of looking after myself, what I did was I busied myself with even more work. So the first one was the prison riot, and then it just went on from there. There was a...
friend's suicide who worked with me, she was a close friend. I got caught up in a mental health patient's home. Another one was a big prison fight and then the last one was a prisoner, I got caught up in a prisoner and prisoner stabbing inside one of the, inside one of the prisons. So with nothing but other prisoners around me. So because I wasn't taking care of myself,
I should have been debriefing and I should have been with the self care at each incident, I ended up crashing at that final one.
Sarah Jordan-Ross (02:43)
Was there any indication along the way that something bigger was brewing or did it take you completely by surprise?
Nikki Everett (02:52)
It took me completely by surprise because I've always worked in a violent...
prisons are violence, I've always known violence, I've always been exposed to it ⁓ and I didn't really understand what PTSD was. To me it was something that people got once they've been to war, combat soldiers came back with PTSD. I just thought I was, couldn't understand why this was affecting me, why I was not strong enough to get through this, why I was having the nightmares, what you know and I just kept pushing myself, come on you have to be strong, you have to be strong, keep pushing, keep you know
working harder and working through it but that's not the way you should deal with complex PTSD.
Sarah Jordan-Ross (03:35)
Because
if you're not dealing with what's going on, it comes out in all sorts of different ways and yet pushing through it is not generally the best idea.
Nikki Everett (03:51)
No, and it all came crumbling down the day I went to work, a confident, capable professional woman, and I came home that night and I couldn't string a sentence together. It had totally changed my essence of who I was. I just lost everything that day, all of who I thought I was.
Sarah Jordan-Ross (04:16)
the thing. Trauma does that. It changes how you see yourself and all the things that you thought you knew. So your book, Uncomfortably Comfortable, it's a really vulnerable, honest look at what life with PTSD is really like. So what inspired you to write it and what did writing it do for you?
Nikki Everett (04:25)
Yeah.
Yeah, I actually never set out to write a book at all. So through my healing journey, I was instantly seeing ⁓ a psychologist and psychiatrist and I went through a whole journey of healing processes. was on the medication, I did a lot of talk therapy, then I went down the whole alternative therapy, know, with new calm and float therapy and all these different things. From the start, my psychologist, because I wasn't able to speak properly,
I speak in trauma talk where it's either full stops or it all just tumbles out on top of each other. ⁓ So that was my defining trait when I was working too. I used to communicate for a living. I'd get up and speak group work in front of prisoners and to lose that I felt like I'd lost everything. So anyway, my psychologist kept encouraging me to journal, you you write. And so she said, look, if you write, you won't have to talk as much during our counselling sessions. And I resisted it and resisted it.
Writing wasn't for me, wasn't something that I enjoyed, wasn't... I didn't even know what to write. But one night after a particularly haunting nightmare, I got up in the middle of the night, I was desperate, and I just started writing. And it just poured out of me. Like, it just kept pouring and pouring. And actually, I didn't stop for two years. I found that by getting the words out of my head, it gave me some peace that I would be go back to sleep and sleep.
For something I resisted for so long, I wish I had picked it up a lot earlier.
Sarah Jordan-Ross (06:18)
Writing
can be a very powerful healing tool.
Nikki Everett (06:23)
Mmm.
It was almost like, you know, when you've got something on your mind and you go to bed and it just goes round and round round in circles and you just can't sleep. It was like that. It was like it was taking this splintered trauma out of my head and placing it on the page. And it just gave me a couple of hours a piece to sleep. Yeah. So it's, it's, can't thank her enough. And at some point, as I kept writing, I would take my writing back to her. would read it back to me during the counseling sessions. And that's where we knew what to work on.
And because during the counselling sessions, often I would disassociate and so it wasn't really there. And at some point she said, look, this is a book and that's how the book came about.
Sarah Jordan-Ross (07:05)
Was there ever a moment in that that it's like, ugh, did you think about not sharing it, not putting it out there?
Nikki Everett (07:16)
I think, yeah, at the start I was writing it for me. At the start I was, I wasn't actually even writing a I was just getting it out of my head so I could have some peace. ⁓ But then as time went on, you know, I had to, I kept researching, I wanted to know what was happening inside of me, why I couldn't just think my way out of this. And so I researched the brain. ⁓ I end up writing like a little ebook. ⁓ And I wrote it in a way that I would have explained it to the prisoners when I was back working in prison.
So I used little characters and names ⁓ and then I you know talked to what they do during a traumatic event. So I made it really simple. So I actually was able to understand what was happening in my brain during a trigger or a flashback and it made me feel lighter because I could understand I wasn't beating up on myself as as much because I thought well I can't actually help this. This is what's happening inside of me. So it was actually a really positive thing. So by doing all those little things and
adding that's how the book just kept going. Yeah.
Sarah Jordan-Ross (08:20)
ended up being just a documentary on your healing process.
Nikki Everett (08:26)
Yeah,
yeah, I first explored all the aspects of what got me there and then I explored all the different healing mechanisms and then I explored a lot about me. So it was almost like body, mind and soul, you know. So it was, you know, I did come across kinsenji. I never say it right. It's one of those words that doesn't stick in my head for some reason. ⁓
Sarah Jordan-Ross (08:50)
Yeah.
Nikki Everett (08:51)
Kintsugi is it? Yeah, yeah, that's ⁓ the Japanese method of repairing
bowls with gold and embracing the floors, making them stronger. And that's the metaphor I used the whole way through that I should embrace my floors. I'm actually not less than a person because I'm living with complex PTSD. I'm actually more. So it was a really powerful metaphor for me.
Sarah Jordan-Ross (09:15)
Yes, I love it too and the interesting thing was as you mentioned it that was actually the next question I planned on asking you was how that's fed into your healing and your philosophy on things and I love that idea too of they take the broken pieces of something and put it back together using gold and the floors then become even more beautiful than
the object was originally because of those fours. Those who don't know what we're talking about.
Nikki Everett (09:46)
Yeah.
Yeah, they celebrate, it celebrates your flaws. It makes you more interesting, more resilient and more valuable through the experiences we've been through. So it's highlighting, highlighting our flaws, which is actually making, giving them strength. So it's a really powerful metaphor.
Sarah Jordan-Ross (10:09)
It is.
Nikki Everett (10:09)
And for me it changed the way I looked at myself too. So that was a real shift. Prior to that I beat up on myself a lot. Like you should be stronger. This is what's wrong with you. And just now I don't feel that way. I feel like I'm actually more rather than less.
Sarah Jordan-Ross (10:28)
So when did you feel that shift happen? When did you stop beating up on yourself for not being all those things that you thought you should be or not being able to handle it the way that you thought you should? When did it shift to, actually, these experiences have made me more than I was, I'm not less because of all of this, I'm actually more? That's a-
Nikki Everett (10:41)
Yeah.
Yeah, it was
really not a non big event, but it was a real big shift in the way I thought about myself. ⁓ There was a couple of little things that made it happen, but one of them, was sitting there reading, you know, the hungry caterpillar story, children's story. I was reading that to my granddaughter and for some reason, she was only three at the time, for some reason she was asking these really...
Sarah Jordan-Ross (11:08)
Yeah.
Nikki Everett (11:19)
insightful questions but you know she wanted to know
why the caterpillar went into the cocoon and what's she doing in there? I was, for some reason the answers were coming out and I was reflecting on my PTSD. That she needs to go in there to repair herself and stay in this cocoon. My granddaughter's saying is she bored in there? When is she gonna come out? And then I started thinking about my life. Well yes, I've minimised my life so much through living with complex PTSD. I need to come out the other side.
to start nibbling away and coming. So that was one of them. Yeah, was just a big shift, the Kinsinji, that was another big shift. And I think seven years of living in a little cocoon is a long time. ⁓ I still live with PTSD, but I'm not hiding it anymore. You know, I hid it a lot. I hid my strange behavior. I hid my triggers. I hid my... ⁓
I hid a lot about it and it was really difficult. So now I'm not hiding it, I feel lighter. And that was the shift.
Sarah Jordan-Ross (12:31)
It's when we become who we really are and embrace that rather than trying to hide things that we think aren't going to be acceptable to everyone else. And that also gives other people permission to shine as well.
Nikki Everett (12:42)
Yeah.
Yeah, and I started thinking differently. started using the hero's journey. ⁓ Yes, very good book. So I started using that metaphor as well. ⁓
Sarah Jordan-Ross (12:52)
Great book.
Nikki Everett (12:58)
in thinking that I'm not the victim of all these violent events anymore. I'm the hero. Put the spotlight on me. How was I resilient? How was I strong? How did I get through it? How am I still here? How am I functioning now? And what purpose am I bringing back from these experiences to help others? So that hero's journey ⁓ is really powerful. And so much so that when people have read the book, I've had a lot of messages. It's like the people want to contact me straight.
away and tell me their story and they're asking for more so I've started writing a bit of a guide of the pathway I took on it to give to others so that they can find so they can change their narrative their trauma narrative and make themselves the hero.
Sarah Jordan-Ross (13:43)
So what tips would you give to people just starting out on that? So one small little thing that they could do to start that journey.
Nikki Everett (13:52)
Yeah, I think for me it was the self taught, like it's not an easy road. It took some horrific stuff to get you there. So it's not over until it's over type thing, you know.
The first thing I started was changing that self-talk and it was exhausting. It really was. Every time I said something bad about myself, I had to pull myself up and no, that's not true. That's not true. I'm actually, I am stronger. I can do this, you know. So that is exhausting in itself, but it's like teaching the brain that, to be positive about it.
One of the things with PTSD is that you get caught up in this negative feedback loop where you're all these negative things and you're avoiding life and you've got a flashback and all these negative things are happening. You have to force positive in there. ⁓ And find the gifts in trauma.
Sarah Jordan-Ross (14:48)
they are there. It's not a great experience to go through but you can gain great things from it ⁓ and find those gifts and they will be different for everyone.
Nikki Everett (15:01)
Mm.
Yeah, and another thing for me too is realising that I was in this middle-ness. When I was in this brokenness, I thought that's me, that's me for good, this is how I'm going to die, I'm just going to be this broken, healing person. ⁓
Sarah Jordan-Ross (15:15)
.
Nikki Everett (15:22)
Somehow I recognised that no, there was a before, Nikki. There's a middle Nikki that's healing and broken, but there's going to be a new Nikki, you know, there's going to be, and I just have to get to her. So that was a big realisation for me.
Sarah Jordan-Ross (15:38)
Yeah, you've got to... around here we call it... you've got to go through the messy middle. There's that... that bit where... yeah... you can either say you're broken but you're... you're healing. You're becoming... who you're... who you were meant to be. You've got to go through that process and unfortunately you can't short-circuit it. So... there's no... no, get me to the end point already! It doesn't work that way. It would be fun if it did.
Nikki Everett (15:54)
Yeah.
Yeah.
No, no, and it's.
No.
And to think that way is kind of exciting when you think about it. It's not depressing at all, it's exciting. It's like, okay, there's going to be a new me that's going to come out the other side with the prize with this new perspective and that I'll be able to help other people through, you know. So it's actually, if you think about it in an exciting way that it just lessens this heaviness of what living with mental illness is like.
Sarah Jordan-Ross (16:35)
And that's it some days it can be very heavy and you need anything anything that helps to lighten the load is a is a good thing So let's talk about she is mental such a bold Unapologetic name and I really love it. I bet it has sparked a whole bunch of conversations What does it actually mean to you? How did it come about and then how are you using it?
Nikki Everett (16:41)
Yeah.
It certainly is.
I'm.
Okay, so because I worked in the prison system, didn't, I wasn't on social media a lot. So for me, Instagram, you know, I had a Facebook account, but it was, I never really went on it. So when I first started this with the book and the book was starting to, you know, gain momentum, I said to my middle daughter, ⁓ can you create me an Instagram account? Can you teach me how to use it? So she's gone away. She's come back. She is mental PTSD. So it
Sarah Jordan-Ross (17:08)
Yeah.
Nikki Everett (17:32)
It
was, I'm like, at the start I'm like, oh, this is gonna be hard. But then, yeah, I like it. People connect with it and it's really putting it out there. It's actually walking the walk. Yes, she is mental, but there's nothing wrong with that. It's owning who I am now. So yeah, I like it and people seem to like it too. So it's good.
Sarah Jordan-Ross (17:52)
Thank
I think I like it because it's shifting that phrase of she is mental from being a whoppin' great insult to actually a compliment of the... it's shifting that stigma, it's shifting how we look at mental illness and the thing is the rates of people suffering from mental illness are higher than they have ever been and it's affecting our kids as well. One in four.
of our kids will be diagnosed with a mental illness of some description. So it's something that a lot of us are going through. So we need to find those ways that we can talk about it. I think it's great that you're using that. So how are some of the ways that you're using that platform to get that message out there?
Nikki Everett (18:30)
Yeah. Yeah.
Well, in many ways, know, when I'm starting to talk like with people like you and get the message out there and challenge people's beliefs on mental illness, a lot of people think that everyone who's got mental health issues is violent. Well, that's not necessarily true. It's actually the opposite. Most people with mental illnesses are very timid.
often when you see people who do lash out in violence, there's always substance abuse attached to that. ⁓ But you don't hear that on the telly, you just hear she's got mental health issues. ⁓ And it puts us all in this box where people become quite frightened of us, know, well, she's got mental health issues, she's not going near her, she's, you ⁓ So it's challenging all those things, know, all this good work that people are creating awareness for.
⁓ living with mental illness I find places like the courts they're actually taking two steps back by blaming everything on you know they've got mental health issues that's why they lashed out they've got mental health issues that's why they stole that car well no that's not the reason for everything ⁓ but everything gets lumped under mental health so
Sarah Jordan-Ross (20:03)
because it's an easy label to put on things and allows us to go, yep. Because we like putting labels on things and putting just about everything into nice neat little boxes. And it's when things don't fit nice and neatly into those little boxes that society on a whole has a bit of an issue with. And you having worked in the court system have a really good...
Nikki Everett (20:24)
Yeah.
Mm.
Sarah Jordan-Ross (20:30)
eyewitness view of what goes on in there.
Nikki Everett (20:33)
Yeah,
and I don't, ⁓ I think you should, someone's mental health issues should be brought up, but not as an excuse. It should be brought up as they've got mental health issues, what treatment can we provide them? How can we help them with that? But that doesn't excuse everything. Well, they've got mental health issues, so let's let them go and go out and continue doing stuff. no, it doesn't address everything.
Sarah Jordan-Ross (20:57)
which is not going to help anybody, all themselves.
Nikki Everett (21:02)
Yeah, and you know,
I've had conversations with prisoners themselves that have said that, you know, that they've gone to court and abused, you know, they've used the excuse of got had a bad childhood and mental health issues. ⁓ Prisoners gone along with it because it's got them a lesser sentence. But even the prisoner was like, ⁓ you know, that was telling what they was having this conversation with even he said, I'd go to court and see what they'd have to say about me and. ⁓
yeah what excuse are going to come up for me this time for me doing these things so I think it's gone too far in the court system anyway.
Sarah Jordan-Ross (21:36)
Yeah, and that can be the problem, trying to address it, an imbalance somewhere, you swing the pendulum too far in the other direction and there needs to be understanding behind what makes people act or react in certain ways. But past experiences are not always a justification for current bad behavior. ⁓
Nikki Everett (22:00)
Yeah, there's many variables of why someone will lash out. And majority of
the time is fear ⁓ of why someone will lash out and violence. Fear of everything, fear of, you know, this person's smarter than me so I'm going to bully them and, you know, all these different things. Yeah, many different variables of why people are violent.
Sarah Jordan-Ross (22:22)
So would you say that's one of the biggest misconceptions that you're trying to break down in your work?
Nikki Everett (22:29)
Yeah, I am because it does, it puts this ⁓ label on people, you you want to, like I did, I hate the fact that I was living with a mental health issue. I didn't even want to say it was a mental health issue. I used to say it's complex PTSD, which it is, but it is still a mental health issue because of people putting you in that box of, she's weird, she's going to be violent, something's going to happen, she's unpredictable. Yeah.
Sarah Jordan-Ross (22:55)
She.
Nikki Everett (22:58)
So it really,
it's to the detriment of getting the help to the people that need it.
One of the other things I think, you know, I've been watching the news, I don't watch the news because it's so... ⁓
Sarah Jordan-Ross (23:12)
Sorry, I'm just...
Oh, sorry, I just had a little 30 second, uh oh, what's going on with my thing? My timer down the bottom has stopped at 12 minutes. Ah, there we go. Now it's at 24. I'm hoping it hasn't chopped down anything because that was all a good time.
Nikki Everett (23:33)
Yep. Yep.
We can dive in.
Sarah Jordan-Ross (23:43)
I'm still learning in this whole podcasting process. I'm only up to episode 15.
Nikki Everett (23:52)
⁓ you're doing well, doing really well. Getting the word out there, getting people talking, allowing people to have conversations that they normally wouldn't be having, so it's amazing.
Sarah Jordan-Ross (24:03)
was
the whole idea behind it was that so I've been a remedial massage and spa therapist for 25 years and I was having lots of conversations with people in clinics some who are parents of extra needs kids or who had they were caring for people with cancer or so going through so many similar experiences but all of them were feeling alone
nobody else would understand what they were going through and say. These people seriously need to have conversations with each other because they're all going through so much the same. And it occurred to me that there are so many things in life, complex PTSD, and your experience as being one of them, that we just don't, we don't talk about because we don't know how to or there's so much else going on that we just go, no. So I wanted to...
that space where people could have those kind of conversations.
Nikki Everett (25:03)
Yeah, and that's what's happening once people read the book. They're connecting with me. It's like, oh, finally someone knows what I'm going through. And the first thing they're saying, I'm getting my partner to read it or listen to the audio book. And that, if I could bring all these people in together, now we've all been through different unique experiences to get here, different traumas and violence, but in our symptoms, we're the same.
Sarah Jordan-Ross (25:07)
Yeah.
Nikki Everett (25:29)
We have nightmares, we help avoid things, we have flashbacks and triggers and that's where we can come together and support each other. So yeah, but we're all out there living this on our own and not saying, not connecting, not talking about it. ⁓
Sarah Jordan-Ross (25:47)
So what would be one thing that if somebody you were talking to was stuck in their own trauma, unsure if things would ever get better or what they could do, what would be one thing that you would say to them?
Nikki Everett (26:01)
would probably encourage them to rewrite the narrative of their trauma ⁓ and start that pretty much straight away rather than what we tend to do. Even when we go to counselling and our therapists, tend to regurgitate this whole traumatic event and just traumatises us over and over and over again. What happened, happened, can never unhappen. It is part of our journey, it is part of our story, but it is not the story. We are the story.
So by putting themselves in the spotlight and saying,
that incident happened, but what did I do? How did I cope? Who supported me? What were the good things that happened out of that? What did I learn? How do I review my future? So it's changing all those narratives that we tell ourselves about the trauma because we often get stuck there. We get stuck in that old worn out story and we live our life by it. I'm the victim. No, you're not the victim. are thriving. You're living your life. That thing happened and it
was horrific and horrible and not negating that but that's not going to contribute that's not going to determine who you are as a person and nor should it you've got a life to live
Sarah Jordan-Ross (27:15)
you and a few other people that have been through significant trauma. Jackie Wilkinson, who I interviewed on a previous episode, wrote a great book called Turning the Tables on Trauma. the same, it's taking those experiences and remembering that while those past experiences might shape you, they don't have to define who you are and they don't have to control
what you do from now on, that's something that you get to do.
Nikki Everett (27:48)
Yeah, and that's the thing, the trauma has taken so much away from us. It took my career, took my sense of safety, took my sense of self away. I was left with nothing. ⁓ So it doesn't get to choose my future. I get to choose that now. So it's taking that power back. ⁓ But a lot of people sit in it for the rest of their lives. They sit in this trauma state, and it's not a great place to reside. It really isn't.
Sarah Jordan-Ross (28:19)
but sometimes it can be hard to make that shift to get out of it.
Nikki Everett (28:23)
Yeah, change is hard. Change is hard and I know that from working with the prisoners. Change is one of the hardest things and often we don't change until there's an urgency to change. Until we're right on the bottom of the floor of the shower where we just had enough and can't. It's right when we hit rock bottom that we're like, I need to go up. But yeah, change is very hard but your life is worth it. You only get one go.
Sarah Jordan-Ross (28:49)
That's it.
Okay, so here on Tabri Talk, we tend to close quite often with this question. So what is one conversation you believe the world needs to be having more of right now? There's probably lots, but...
Nikki Everett (29:06)
Yeah, there is a lot.
For me, I've got violence always on my forefront of my brain. I think there's absolutely no scientific evidence to this, no research study, but I believe that the violence that the young kids and the stealing of the cars, I believe that all comes from...
Sarah Jordan-Ross (29:14)
Yeah.
Nikki Everett (29:29)
one violent movies, more so the violent video games. You know, there's something about that action, you know, if there's something that's positive about me writing and journaling, with the brain and the body moving, it must be the same for these kids playing these games. The brain is saying...
the hand movement of stabbing other avatars or stealing cars and all of a it's pinging up. They're seeing that they're getting bonuses for this and positive feedback. It has to have something to do with it. So there's no evidence to say that, but I truly believe that that is a contributing factor to the kids' violence these days.
Sarah Jordan-Ross (30:14)
I think they're seeing a lot of it and seeing it a lot younger than we would have. So yeah, things have definitely shifted.
Nikki Everett (30:25)
Yeah, and most games they play has got violence in it. Most movies you watch has got violence in it. And it has to be lowering kids' empathy towards others. You see the hero in most movies. They're going through, they're stealing cars and they're smashing up people's, pushing people over without any consequence, smashing up shops. It's not great for kids to be playing so much violent games.
Sarah Jordan-Ross (30:52)
And there is all the effects that it has on the neurotransmitters. I noticed one thing with my little one. Any of those games that somebody dies in one of those games, they respawn. They come back. So there's no sense of that somebody dies, that it's permanent. And sometimes I wonder if that's the...
Nikki Everett (31:16)
Yeah.
Sarah Jordan-Ross (31:22)
much younger ones or people who are ⁓ cognitively affected that they don't recognize the full reality of their action or the consequences that those actions might have. ⁓
Nikki Everett (31:31)
Yeah.
And that's that's that that is true. Like it's it's not only this, know, consequences, there's actually a reward for them in the game. You've stabbed someone, you get ding ding ding, you get a reward. ⁓ And I and I haven't and some of the prisoners I did talk to some of the young prisoners, they all put they were all gamers. They all like to play the games. So I'm not saying, you know, and again, there's no evidence. I'm just saying it from my perspective that that I believe that the violent games are contributing to a lot of the lack of empathy and
Sarah Jordan-Ross (31:49)
Hmm.
Nikki Everett (32:13)
lack of care for anyone and the violence that's going on.
Sarah Jordan-Ross (32:19)
and read something that Dr. Jeremy Colson wrote a little while ago. And it was about how young some of these offenders are and what's going on. And when we have children in kindergarten, it's just one instance that I was thinking of, children in kindergarten assaulting each other, like they're five and six years old.
When our kids are doing that, there's something that's gone on. We have to ask ourselves what is going on and what can we do about it. But it's happening. We need to see what we can do to stop it happening and...
Nikki Everett (32:52)
Yeah.
And the other thing that's at the forefront of my mind too, one of the things that we did do when I ran group work with prisoners, used to run a parenting program, we would talk about emotional regulation. I believe we taught that in schools. It would be crime prevention, drug and alcohol prevention, mental health, it would be everything. If we could teach children to regulate their emotions at a young age and continue to teach them to ride into adulthood, it would be life changing.
Sarah Jordan-Ross (33:31)
I agree.
And I'm also an infant massage instructor. So I used to teach mums and dads to massage their little ones. And one of the things with that, when children are securely attached and bonded to their caregivers, they're less likely to commit crimes. They're less likely to suffer from mental health problems. So we need to start with our young ones and start working on that because, and it's come up a few times through.
some episodes that we've done. We don't have that sense of community and connection that we once did. We're all doing everything all by ourselves.
Nikki Everett (34:13)
Yeah, you're
100 % right there. We need to connect more with each other. We need to come back to being supportive and being a bit of a village in some ways.
Sarah Jordan-Ross (34:27)
Do you think having a village around you would have helped with your journey?
Nikki Everett (34:33)
With mine, because it was at work, it was quite different. It would have been better if I had a more supportive team. I did have support at work, but not in a way that I... It's quite a different culture when you're working in prisons. It's the blame and punish culture. And I worked in a men's environment, so it was just an era of, get on with it, come on, toughen up, you'll be right. ⁓
So it was quite, it was a bit of a different environment to work in compared to when you're working in the community settings. Yeah.
Sarah Jordan-Ross (35:08)
Is there anything else you'd like to share with our audience? How can they get your book or connect with you?
Nikki Everett (35:15)
It's on
Amazon, you can get it on my website, sheismental.com. Yeah, it's actually, it's been, I'm blown away with the gratitude. I just got a message from someone trying to buy it in India. So it's sold in America, Ireland, England, Canada.
⁓ Germany, Japan and now someone's buying it in India. So it just goes to show you how trauma is non-discriminatory. it's everywhere. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, on the website, on Amazon, ⁓ it's on most platforms. Coming out on audiobook on the 2nd of May. So it's ebook. Yeah, yeah, audible, Spotify. So yeah, it's out there. Yep.
Sarah Jordan-Ross (35:44)
It's a universal problem.
I love water bowl.
Nikki Everett (36:04)
and we can put the links.
Sarah Jordan-Ross (36:06)
Yeah, we'll have links in the show notes. I want to thank you for coming on today for your bravery and for sharing your story and your truth and for reminding us those gold-filled cracks can still be beautiful so we can be broken and still beautiful. To everyone who's listening, if this episode moved you
Nikki Everett (36:31)
Yeah, 100 % true.
Sarah Jordan-Ross (36:37)
share it with a friend or somebody who needs to know that they're not alone, that other people have been through similar experiences and if we all get together we just might be able to help each other get through it a little bit easier.
And if you want to connect with Nikki, I will put links in the show notes for you to be able to grab her book or check out She is Mental. So that'll be in all of the show notes. So until next time, take care of yourselves, take care of each other and remember, your story matters. So please keep sharing it because you are not alone and sharing your story might be what makes the difference for somebody else.
Bye for now.