What happens when the one who heals becomes the one holding it all together? In this deeply moving conversation, Sarah sits down with Lani Almanza—author, wellness advocate, and founder of Alaka'i and Associates—to unpack the silent weight caregivers often carry. From the ICU to the sacred art of Ho‘oponopono, Lani shares how grief, caregiving, and grounded spiritual practice shaped her purpose and wellness journey. Whether you’re a parent, a professional, or a soul navigating burnout, this episode offers grace, practical wisdom, and a reminder: you’re not alone, and you don’t have to collapse to prove you care.
“You grow around your grief. You don’t get over it—you live through it, with it.” — Lani Almanza
“If you collapse in a screaming heap, tell me again what’s selfish—resting or falling apart?” — Sarah Jordan-Ross
“Self-care isn’t selfish. It’s sacred. It’s survival.” — Lani Almanza
Lani Almanza
📘 Under a Full Moon and a Guiding Star – [Insert Amazon or website link]
📗 Beyond the Horizon – Coming soon!
🌿 Founder of Alaka'i and Associates
💛 Vice President, Give Me A Break Hawaii
🌐 [Insert Lani’s website or IG/Facebook handles]
If this episode resonated, please share it with someone walking the road of caregiving or grief. Follow the show, leave us a review, and don’t forget—your story matters. Someone out there is waiting to hear it.
sarah (00:00) welcome back to Tabby Talk with Sarah, the podcast that breaks the silences, fosters hope, and talks about the tough stuff so you never feel alone. If you're new here, I'm your host Sarah. I'm a mum of three, a wellness coach, and I guide you through the raw, real conversations.
about chronic illness, caregiving, burnout, grief, all those stories and common experiences that unite us. And today's episode is one that hits close to home for me.
And I imagine it will for many of you too. And it's that what happens when the healer becomes the caregiver? What happens when all of your knowledge and all your experience doesn't protect the ones that you love? When you trade everything you know just to not be the ones sitting beside watching someone you love suffer.
And that is something that my guest today knows intimately. I am so honored to be sitting down with Lani Almanza and hopefully I said her last name right. She's a wellness advocate, author of Under a Full Moon and a Guiding Star. And she's the founder of Allakai and Associates and vice president at Give Me a Break Hawaii.
Lani Almanza (01:10)
You did, thank you.
sarah (01:25)
which I will have to talk to her about too. It's a non-profit dedicated to supporting caregivers. Lani is also a mum and a grandmother and her journey into healing work began long before the titles. It began at the bedside of her son, Jacob, when he was diagnosed with a brain tumour at just 19.
Lani Almanza (01:27)
You
sarah (01:50)
Lani, I am so grateful that you are here with us today.
Lani Almanza (01:56)
Thank you, Sarah. We had planned this a few weeks ago, probably a month ago, and ⁓ life got in the way of that one. And so I'm so glad that we were able to make this one work. I think it's just divine timing. I don't believe in coincidences. I call them God incidences. ⁓ That the universe knows when to bring people together. And you and I were on a call this morning where this topic of caregiving came up.
sarah (01:58)
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yes.
Me too.
Lani Almanza (02:24)
and I think sort of unexpectedly for everybody that was on the call.
sarah (02:29)
Yeah, I loved how much those similar stories of caregiving experiences and how much it united that whole group in that we've all been there in our own different ways. And I said on the call that I'd found my tribe because that's that space where I can just say blah and I know that
Lani Almanza (02:38)
Mm-hmm.
sarah (02:53)
somebody is gonna get exactly what I mean.
Lani Almanza (02:57)
Yeah, yeah, it's a universal experience that we don't always talk about or share. That we get into that caregiving role and we kind of get isolated, focused inwards, focused on the person that we're caring for. And it really is, like I said, this universal experience that the more we can talk about it and let people know that they're not alone in it.
the better people will be able to move through that experience.
sarah (03:26)
And in so many ways that's why I started the podcast too was as a massage therapist I was hearing people share their really similar stories but that they were feeling completely alone and isolated in what they were going through. And my first thought was, well you're all telling me so you're definitely not. And that it is so hard when you feel like you're going through it alone. We need to create those spaces.
Lani Almanza (03:45)
you
sarah (03:53)
where people can say, hey, I've had that experience too. Where when you want to celebrate the great things in it, because it's not all doom and gloom, it's not all.
Lani Almanza (03:57)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
No, I'm enjoying a caregiving role right now that is very joyous with my two youngest grandchildren. And so that's something that I've, you know, talked about with people in my journey is that, yes, we kind of come to these crisis moments of caregiving. And that's what sticks with us or stands out with us, because that's where we feel so isolated and alone. But throughout our lifetime, we have caregiving experiences that are on the other end of that spectrum.
that have joy in them. And so if we can find a way to bring that joy of caregiving back into those harder moments, the easier it becomes.
sarah (04:40)
And that was the thing I noticed too, everyone said that there was gifts that had come out of it, even out of those really hard experiences. I know for myself it was caring for my mum through cancer was one of the hardest things I've ever done and yet I would do it all again in a heartbeat because I got the gift of time with her.
Lani Almanza (04:46)
Mm-hmm.
sarah (05:04)
that not the rest of my sisters did. So yeah, there's always good and bad in it.
Lani Almanza (05:06)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Yeah, in fact, that's,
that is something that I'm now writing a second book and that's something that I talk about is how we grow beyond grief and the gifts of grief and the seasons of grief that it doesn't just happen. know, I remember people well-meaning, well-intended, but saying that I would get over it. And it's, you don't ever get over it. That person was a part of you, is a part of you forever.
sarah (05:31)
You don't.
Lani Almanza (05:38)
And so it's learning how to live through it, live with it, and find the gifts in those seasons.
sarah (05:46)
and you grow around your grief. So, can we take you back to the beginning of your story, to what you went through with Jacob? Because I'd say that's part of what started you on your healing journey and on the road that you are now, where you're making opportunities for carers to care for themselves, where you're running a clinic and helping people, or not anymore.
Lani Almanza (06:11)
No, it's a wellness business.
Yeah. So I, I'm here to guide people on a wellness journey. And that was because in that, in my caregiving journey with Jacob, what I found was at the time I was working full time, going to school full time to finish my masters and having a family and a home to, to look after. I, yeah.
sarah (06:39)
all the balls.
Lani Almanza (06:41)
And I realized early on that if I didn't start developing some really foundational self-care habits, daily habits that I wasn't going to survive. And so that's where I started really diving into, and even with my, my master's degree was in organizational communication and I switched over to health communication because I needed to find out for myself.
What were those tools and resources that I didn't know existed, but I needed? And how could I bring them to other people in a simplified, accessible way without somebody having to, you yes, there are times when we need the clinical professional support, but sometimes it's just, how do I take that first step? And so that's what I wanted to be able to show people is,
how to take the first step, that it's not a big step. It's a small step every day. And some days you feel like you might be stepping backwards, but if you have those foundational habits, it will keep you moving forward.
sarah (07:40)
And that's it, it's one baby step every day will get you where you're And a lot of the stuff, because you are in Hawaii and you grew up in Hawaii. So a lot of your healing practices come from those Hawaiian wisdom and traditions. And I struggle with
Lani Almanza (07:49)
Mm-hmm.
Yes, I did.
sarah (08:02)
the correct pronunciation of this word, but I'm going to give it a try. I think everybody will know what I mean.
Hello, Papahona.
Lani Almanza (08:09)
Ho'oponopono. Ho'oponopono. So, ⁓ yeah. And so the word pono means to do the right thing, righteousness, and ho'o means to move forward. So, yeah. So, a lot of people just think that it's a process for forgiveness or conflict resolution.
sarah (08:11)
There we go. I knew you'd get it right for me. Ho'oponopono.
So to move forward in righteousness. That is cool.
Lani Almanza (08:37)
But none of that happens until you do that for yourself. And that's the first step is if you are going to go down the path of ho'oponopono, it's not to point out somebody else to somebody else their errors. It's to first look inward and reconcile with yourself where you might not be doing the right thing for yourself and others.
sarah (09:03)
Amazing, that brings a Bible verse to mind for me. It's the one about, don't worry about the speck of dirt in somebody else's eye, go look at the plank in your own. So it's very much that looking inward. And I suppose we can't really heal anyone else until we've healed ourselves as well.
Lani Almanza (09:14)
Yeah. Yeah.
Mm-hmm. And that's, know, as I started this journey with alaka'i associates, this wellness journey is really to continue to walk with people because I'm still learning as well that new experiences in life will sometimes show you the need for returning to those foundational habits, returning to those self-care practices.
And an example was this past year, my husband had several unexpected health issues that had me returning to a caregiving role in some instances, taking him to doctor's appointments, helping him navigate around the house. And so I really had to pay attention to how was I holding myself accountable to my own self-care.
rituals even today. That it's not something that it's you learn it and you graduate and you're done. It's something that you have to continue to practice so that when you encounter the next caregiving role, like I said, you'll be able to navigate it much easier.
sarah (10:29)
I dare say getting us back into that role would have brought up some things for you from when you cared for Jacob and that could have completely derailed you and made it harder for you to then give your husband the care that he needs but also to care for yourself in that so that you didn't collapse in a screaming heap.
Lani Almanza (10:38)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah. ⁓
sarah (10:57)
So
what were some of those tools and practices that you did use to help you get through that?
Lani Almanza (11:03)
The ones that I hold near and dear to my heart and my practice is my morning routine. That when I wake up, I will do some stretches before I get out of bed. for some people that's, know, when you're younger, that has a different purpose than when you're older. To eliminate some of the aches and pains, I guess. But I do stretching before I get out of bed.
And then I immediately, most times will go outside because I feel that grounding is so important that as humans, have disconnected ourselves from the earth energy. And so I go outside and step on the ground for a moment. And then I journal. I do a short meditation, guided meditation, and then I journal for about 30 minutes.
And then I share from my journaling and my meditation through my social media, some of my thoughts and reflections. But for me, that just sets the tone of my day. And I remember a couple of years ago, we were traveling and we were with relatives and in a home where there was some tension and I just got off of my routine for about three days.
And by the third day, I could feel the anxiety and tension building up inside of me. And I really had to just take a time out. I had to excuse myself and go and sort of retreat into my room and start over. And so I really think for me, that's one of my most foundational practices is to have that morning routine. And whatever that might look like for people.
And then the other, the next one is I have a midday check-in. So a lot of times I'm sitting in front of my computer writing or working with people and I have to remind myself and I have a reminder on my phone and on my computer to time out, pause, press the pause button and go get rehydrated. Cause that's another key self care resource and tool. And we.
Most of us are walking around dehydrated. We don't realize it.
sarah (13:11)
Because it's so
easy to forget to drink water, I know.
Lani Almanza (13:14)
Yeah. And
our brains are 75 % water. So in order for our brains to keep thinking and functioning, we need to stay hydrated. So I remind myself to do that middle of the day. And then my evening ritual is a gratitude journal. And I have a simple gratitude prayer that if I can't think of anything, I simply...
say that I'm grateful for the abundance I have received. I'm grateful for the abundance that I'm able to give. And what is it? no, I've lost track of it. Hold on. It's right here. I am grateful for the abundance I have received. I am grateful for the abundance I am about to receive. And I'm grateful for the abundance I'm able to share. Because I think we just take for granted some of the
the little things in our lives that really create abundance and joy.
sarah (14:04)
We get so caught up in the crazy busy go go go that we forget to take time for those little moments but it's noticing those little moments that can make such a huge difference. Those little god incidences as you call them. Malcolm Jamal Warner, he was quite fond of saying no matter what is going on in your life
Lani Almanza (14:09)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
sarah (14:27)
there is always a reason to smile and if you're having trouble finding a reason to smile that's when you need to be that reason for somebody else. yeah it's the being grateful for what you have and and paying it forward and very much that I love that you take that conscious check-in time because it's easy to to get caught up and to forget and
Lani Almanza (14:53)
Mm-hmm.
sarah (14:54)
so many people either go through their day and get to the end of the day and realize, yeah, I'm really dehydrated because I haven't drunk anything all day or wonder why they're starving when they get home and it's like, yeah, cause I forgot to stop and eat.
Lani Almanza (15:01)
Yeah.
to eat.
Yeah. And that's, that's very symptomatic of caregivers that yeah, that they get very immersed in the day to day function of their caregiving role and forget to just do those little check-ins with themselves. And so for me, that's one of the first things that I, I help people that I guide people through is create those little self care routines that are meaningful to you and will stick with you and that
sarah (15:12)
very.
Lani Almanza (15:36)
will then help you build more balance in your life.
sarah (15:41)
and they'll be those tools that help you get through the challenges. The other thing that I quite frequently tell caregivers, particularly for older women, or there was a time when we're raised to believe that taking care of yourself was selfish, so there's that whole other layer that you've got to get past. But I like to flip that on its head and remind them that
Lani Almanza (15:45)
Mm-hmm
Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah.
sarah (16:07)
What happens to the person or people that you're caring for if you collapse in a screaming heap? Now tell me what's the selfish thing? Letting yourself collapse in a screaming heap or taking care of yourself so that you don't end up there? And the sad thing is... ⁓
Lani Almanza (16:14)
Mm-hmm. Yeah. A moment, yeah. Yeah. It's very simple. It's like when you get
on the airplane, they tell you to put your oxygen mask on first for a very good reason. Because if you pass out, you are not going to be good for anybody else around you.
sarah (16:37)
The only thing that's going to happen is they're going to trip over you on their way trying to get out of the plane. yeah and so often caregivers it ends up that there ends up being two people needing care.
Lani Almanza (16:40)
Yeah.
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. In fact, you mentioned earlier the organization that I work with, Gimme a Break. And one of the statistics that we share is that in the US statistics, that anyone over 50 that is caring for someone has a 50 % chance that they will pass before the person they're caring for.
sarah (16:52)
Whereas if
Yes!
And that's a little scary.
Lani Almanza (17:16)
It is scary and that that number exponentially rises as you age. So at 70, I'm close to 70 % at risk for passing, know, dying before the person that I'm caring for. And that really hit me this past year with my husband that, you know, should one of us end up in a situation where the other one goes,
and someone needs care, what do we have planned for that? And so we talk about planning for your own care as much as you plan for the person that you're caring for.
sarah (17:58)
because that way you don't end up having more overload to carry when you're in that, what do they do now?
Lani Almanza (18:06)
Yeah, yeah,
we don't make good decisions when we're in crisis mode.
sarah (18:11)
No, because our nervous system is designed to keep us safe and when we're in fight or flight it's designed exactly for that. We're supposed to run away from the threat or fight it and the threat is supposed to go away so then our nervous system can calm down and we can then enter into that rest and digest and more of a planning kind of state but so many of us now are in that.
Lani Almanza (18:29)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
sarah (18:39)
chronic fight or flight and we're starting to see lots of issues related to that in terms of digestive problems, the gut microbiome being completely out of whack and then that having knock-on effects on the whole system.
Lani Almanza (18:40)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah. Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah. Yeah. And that was
part of my journey as well. I had suffered migraines and digestive issues for years. And it was after, well, after Jacob's journey, I then went into caregiving from my parents, both my parents. And it was during that time where I really started to realize what an impact this was having on my health and finding
the right resources for me that finally eliminated those problems. And so that's the other part that I sort of when in my work is I help people do a health assessment and target on the areas where their health is being affected most. And let's start there. So if it's lack of sleep or digestive issues, you your, your diet and exercise, what's the area that needs the most attention right now?
Cause we can't do it all at once. Trying to do everything at once, getting overwhelmed is not the answer. That, know, yeah. So let's break down, like I said, simple steps to self care that we build on towards better health. One of my things that I like to say is watching my parents age in illness, particularly my mom had dementia, my dad had Parkinson's, that I decided I was not going to age in illness. I wanted to age in wellness.
sarah (19:55)
It just causes more problems.
Lani Almanza (20:17)
because aging is a fact of life. I'm going to choose wellness over illness.
sarah (20:22)
Yeah, that was a great sign. Yeah, if you don't make time for your wellness, you're going to have to make time for your illness. And I know which one I'd prefer to be making time for. And yeah, it's amazing how caring for a parent changes how we look at things and how being in a caregiving role or
being in a position where you need care yourself, how it changes, how you look at things.
Lani Almanza (20:50)
Yeah. Yeah, changes your perspective.
sarah (20:52)
that you don't take anything
for granted and you make a conscious effort to find the good things.
Lani Almanza (20:55)
Mm-hmm.
And I think a conscious effort to find connections that especially, you you're talking earlier about caregivers getting isolated and so helping to connect them with their tribe, as you mentioned earlier, that there are organizations and resources for caregivers specifically.
to connect with other caregivers that will share their stories, but offer education and support so that, like we said, that you can bring that joy back into the caregiving, even when it's hard.
sarah (21:41)
Because the reality is there is going to be those moments where it is very, hard, but there's also moments where beautiful things can happen.
Now your book Under a Full Moon and a Guiding Star and one of the things you talk about a little bit in there is that dance between doing and being.
Lani Almanza (22:03)
Mm-hmm.
sarah (22:04)
And I know it's really hard for carers to slow down and stop being a doing. So what's that framework you use to support people back to that presence? And anything else you'd like to tell us about your book?
Lani Almanza (22:10)
Yeah.
Okay. Well, in finding that balance between doing and being, and really it's the yin and yang symbol where people just look at sort of the big portions of that. But if you look closely, there's a little dot on each side that's of the opposite color or section. And so there's a little bit of doing in the being and there's a little bit of being in the doing.
sarah (22:44)
keen and young.
Lani Almanza (22:44)
⁓
And so we can't just, you know, swing all the way to one side and forget the other one. That's not going to get you balance, whether it's in the being or the doing. So you really have to find that middle path. And so where I sort of help people start to look at that is to first practice the pause. And with that, I teach them some breathing techniques.
My favorite is the box breathing. Inhale to four, hold to four, exhale to four, hold to four. That helps your nervous system reset and get balance. And to do that, and to do it at least three times. It takes that many times for your body to start kind of recognizing what's happening. The next one is to slow down and...
sarah (23:18)
Braving's great.
Lani Almanza (23:30)
create what I call white space, that in your calendar, in your daily routine, to not pack it in so tight that you don't have time to transition between things, that your mind doesn't have time to synthesize what you were doing and then move on and create space for the next thing that you're gonna do. So for me, it started with when I was working full-time
that I had a lot of meetings. And so I made intentionally that I didn't schedule meetings back to back. There had to be at least 30 minutes between meetings so that I could gather up my thoughts, sort of synthesize all that, or put it in a place where I could return to it and understand what it was the notes were about before I started engaging in the next one. So breathe.
Pause and breathe, slow down and create white space in your schedule. And the last one was focus. There was a time, especially in the business world, where multitasking was the hot topic. It was possible to do 20 minutes here and 20 minutes there and 20 minutes here and 20 minutes there, or to do three things at once. It's not. Your brain is not happy with that scenario.
focusing on one task at a time and giving it the care and attention that it needs. And finding that usually 10 to 20 minutes is that space where your mind can focus. If you really are intent and in a creative space, you can get into what's called flow. One of my favorite topics where you're doing something that you're good at.
But it's a little bit challenging and you just get into this space where you lose track of time. And for me, that's writing. When I'm in writing for my book, it's, you know, the other day I almost forgot to pick up my grandson because I was so in flow. But so focus on one task at a time. And so by making those consistent and conscious decisions, we can start to
find the balance between our doing and our being. And as I was writing this book, so like you said, it sort of was initiated by my journey with Jacob. But as I looked back, I realized that I had started a caregiving journey being the oldest of four children. So babysitting my siblings and babysitting neighborhood kids. At one point, I...
was what was known back then as a candy striper, which was like a nurse's aide, volunteer teenager, you know, a program that they thought maybe would inspire women or girls to be nurses. And then I became a mom. So my caregiving journey just kept evolving. But it was the mom journey where I was really deep in the doing and lost track of the being.
And so there were moments along the way as I look back where, know, God or the universe or whoever you name was there to kind of set me back on the path that, you know, something would happen where it would be sort of that aha moment where, okay, need to, I need to swing back towards some balance, find a way to bring balance in my life.
sarah (26:40)
Those gentle little redirects along the way are very helpful.
Lani Almanza (26:42)
Yeah. Yeah.
sarah (26:45)
Now, you've had a very, you were just talking about having been a carer since you were very young and you've been in a lot of different sectors as well. So you're in health communication, nonprofits, you're in holistic wellness as well. So I would say, and having been a carer in a number of different facets, you cared for a sick child, you cared for your parents.
then occasionally with your partner now needing help. So you've seen every side of that. So what have you learned in that journey about burnout and boundaries and making sure that you stay grounded and anchored to whatever you call the spiritual source.
Lani Almanza (27:29)
Interesting you use the word boundaries because I just wrote about that the other day is that we need to make sure that we are constantly looking at those boundaries and whether you look at it you know in a square, rectangle, or circular form where do you draw those in different areas of your life? Because they're not all going to be the same. Those boundaries aren't going to be the same.
So in your physical space, what are the boundaries that you would protect? In your emotional space, what kind of energy do you allow into your space? And I think for caregivers, sometimes those boundaries get really blurred. And so, yeah.
sarah (28:14)
It can be hard to know where your space ends
and the person you're caring for's space begins.
Lani Almanza (28:19)
Yeah. Yeah.
And so for me in helping, especially caregivers, it's sort of bringing them back to, like we said earlier, self-care use. Sometimes people think it's selfish. It's no, it's not selfish and it's not a luxury. It's a necessity. And so bringing them back to, okay, let's just, just look at, you know, where
Where have those boundaries sort of gotten blurry for you? If it's in that physical space, is there a place where you can sort of take five minutes away from your caregiving role? Like I said, for me, it's just walking outside and stepping on the earth barefoot and getting grounded. For others, for some people, it might be a closet where you go and have a primal scream into a pillow.
you know, looking at where do you create those spaces for you, a little sanctuary where it's just your space. And little by little, then you can start to grow the space that's within those boundaries. Also boundaries with individuals that, and that might be family members that
Are they bringing positive energy into your space and your caregiving space? That sometimes we have to, those are sometimes the hardest ones to draw the line. It's like, okay, you're on that side and I can't allow you into my space. And I had to do that with a family member and it's really challenging. It really is hard.
sarah (29:49)
It's hard.
Lani Almanza (29:51)
And you can love them from a distance, you just can't allow them into your physical presence or your energy and still maintain your balance.
sarah (30:04)
And that's the thing is being aware of those things that that do help to balance you and make you feel whole and connected and those things that knock you off kilter. And remembering that no is a complete sentence. So you don't have to justify holding that boundary. And that yes, you can put down boundaries in
Lani Almanza (30:14)
Mm-hmm.
this.
sarah (30:30)
loving ways. It may be hard for people to adjust if your boundaries are changing but hopefully when they see that that's the best thing for you then they'll come on board as well and if they're not then you can bless them and release them to do what they need to to do.
Lani Almanza (30:36)
Mm-hmm.
sarah (30:48)
So what's a little insight from your new book? Because you said writing is your flow state, your happy space.
Lani Almanza (30:55)
Yes, yes.
I wasn't even sure there was a second book in me when I published the first one. People were asking, so are you going to keep writing? I don't know. And it took about a year and a half before that sort of started to bubble up and come together. I do a lot of journaling. I do journaling workshops. That's another self-care practice that I love to do with teach people that
There's a number of different ways to journal. Like every person has their own unique way. And so trying to help people understand that process.
But as I started, as this idea of a second book started bubbling up, I thought, well, what is going to be different about the second book from the first one? And what came to me was Beyond the Horizon. And you'll have to read the book to know the relevance of that title. But really to go beyond some of the lessons of self-care.
One of the things I talked about earlier was going beyond what I wrote about grief into the seasons and gifts of grief and really just challenging myself to go beyond sort of the first book was a look back at my life's journey. And this one is looking ahead. Where do we go from here?
sarah (32:14)
exciting because it's always a new adventure.
So many different things I could ask about. Feels like I'm sitting here having a chat with a friend because we've shared so many similar experiences. So I was the sick kid and then I cared for my mum through cancer and now I have two children who have extra needs. I don't like the term special but...
Lani Almanza (32:19)
You
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
sarah (32:40)
My
oldest son has pediatric MS. He's amazingly well, it has been an interesting and challenging journey. And then my little guy has ADHD. And then I have my middle boy who, yeah, in between a brother who has MS and a brother who has ADHD. And I try very hard to...
Lani Almanza (32:43)
Mmm.
sarah (33:07)
make sure that he doesn't get lost in that shuffle between them having those few extra needs and him still knowing that he is special as well. And I know when Harrison first got sick, brought up a lot of stuff for me. So then using those tools that I'd learnt along the way to
Lani Almanza (33:09)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
sarah (33:30)
help myself but also to help him.
Lani Almanza (33:33)
Mm-hmm.
sarah (33:34)
It's great when you find other people who understand what that's like and that so many have been through carrying experiences like we have. I we saw that in the group this morning.
Lani Almanza (33:41)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, and I think, you know, was, people were surprised at that was what was being triggered for them, that all of a sudden we were all sharing about this caregiving journey from different perspectives from one simple question of how do we show up? And so it is a universal experience. And we think that ours is so different.
sarah (33:59)
How come?
Lani Almanza (34:19)
that it's just me and my husband, or it's me and my son, or me and my mother, that mine is different than anybody else's, and they're not going through the same thing. And I don't want to bother somebody with my story. And really what bubbled up this morning was that we all share that experience. And in that sharing, we expand that circle of...
how we impact each other.
sarah (34:47)
And it's in those sharing of those stories that we see how connected and united we are and that we don't have to do everything alone and that things move much better when we're all together moving it forward.
Lani Almanza (35:05)
Yeah,
love sharing on podcasts like this and with the group this morning because it just, wasn't just a group from the US. There was US, Canada, Australia, Hawaii, you know, that it is around the world that we have connections and that's so important too.
continue to find those connections.
sarah (35:31)
because there really is so much more that connects us and unites us. There is so much more that we have in common. And if we focus more on those things rather than those differences that threaten to divide us, we just might see things shift towards that more connected world where we actually do just help each other because that's what we're supposed to do.
Lani Almanza (35:46)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, that's how we survive and thrive as humans. One of my favorite quotes is that we are not just humans have a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience and that we all are sharing in that human experience. But we need to connect on that as spiritual beings.
sarah (36:00)
Yes. ⁓
Yes.
Yes, very much so. Now I like to end my show with this one simple question.
because it is called Taboo Talks, so what is that conversation that you think we should be having that we're not? I think we've covered it a little bit, but there's always more.
Lani Almanza (36:37)
Yeah,
yeah. I, you know, there's so many different ways that people believe. And so I think for me, sometimes the topic of spirituality sometimes becomes that taboo conversation. And like we were just saying that there really is so much more that unites us and that we have in common.
even in our spiritual beliefs, if we sort of leave the religious doctrine at the door and focus on the spiritual aspects of our lives, then I think we'll find more connections.
sarah (37:12)
Yes. Because dare I say if you look at like those basic underlying principles there's generally a creative force. There is generally the idea of living a good life to then be united with that force in a realm other than this one. We choose to call it different names.
Lani Almanza (37:19)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah. And that, yeah.
sarah (37:41)
but...
Lani Almanza (37:41)
And that in living that good life, that means connecting with each other. That we don't do that alone in solitude or by force.
sarah (37:47)
Yes.
Know that the tradition that I come from like the big rule love God and love each other and that's it. Everything else is just...
Lani Almanza (38:01)
Yeah, that's it.
sarah (38:05)
how you practice that belief, not necessarily.
Lani Almanza (38:07)
Yeah,
but yeah, think that for me that sometimes is people consider it a taboo topic. ⁓ But I think, no, I think we should find ways to get past that part of it and find the connectedness.
sarah (38:14)
I don't think it should be.
Knew I was going to have fun talking with you.
Lani Almanza (38:24)
Well, we can connect again, you know, when I have my next book, we'll have to do this again.
sarah (38:29)
Definitely and there's a little idea I am toying with and I sort of teased it on a on a previous episode But I'll yeah, I would love to get a group of us together around a table be it a virtual one and Pick a topic and we just talk about it around the taboo table and I would love to have you Come on to that table with me
Lani Almanza (38:42)
Mm-hmm.
I would love it anytime.
sarah (38:56)
And now
that I've put it out there, I actually have to start organizing it. So that's even better.
Lani Almanza (39:00)
Yeah.
And I have, so I have something on my vision board that I have started putting out there and hopefully I can, you know, manifest it into being that I would love to actually have a group of women around an actual table in person in Hawaii at a, at a small retreat, intimate retreat, but of like-minded, wellness focused women.
just to be in that space with each other.
sarah (39:27)
I love that. I've never been to Hawaii. It's always been on my list of places I must go. But I haven't quite made it yet.
Lani Almanza (39:33)
you
Well,
put this on your list. Yeah.
sarah (39:40)
And I think that's a perfect spot for us to end today. So for everyone listening, if you've ever walked through those seasons of fear and grief and caregiving, I hope that this call today has shown you that you're not alone. We see you. And if you've ever felt that you have to hold it all together for someone else while you're falling apart,
You're not alone. And if you're learning to honour the hard stuff while still holding on to joy, we're with you. Keep living like it matters. Make the every day special. Let's carry the wisdom forward in how we love, in how we serve, how we show up for one another.
Thank you for being with us today. I'm Sarah Jordan Ross and this has been Taboo Talk. Until next time, remember your story matters so share it. You never know when your story will be the thing that makes a difference to someone else.